


with you i'm not alone

by preciousuga (alexscarlet)



Series: queerct [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Cuddling & Snuggling, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Non-binary character, Polyamory, Queer Themes, Sleeping Together, Trans Character, luckily renjun is there to give them a big hug, mark works too hard and hyuck misses her:(, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-17 09:30:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17557790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexscarlet/pseuds/preciousuga
Summary: “imissher.”mark's been busy working on this project for what seems like years (but has really only been a couple of weeks) and her girlfriends miss her very, very much.





	with you i'm not alone

**Author's Note:**

> enjoy this 2am outpouring of love for my kids;; donghyuck is BACK and i want to kiss his adorable squishie cheeks:(

they’ve always had a thing for atmospheric lighting; fairy lights and lamps tucked into corners, with warm orange bulbs so the room is bathed in a warm, cosy sort of feeling. on their desk across the room sits a pink candle, its flame burning tall and bright, releasing the beautiful scent of jasmine into the air.

 

the cosiness is augmented by the sound of rain falling heavy on the window beyond the drawn curtains: donghyuck doesn’t want to get out of bed, and certainly doesn’t want to leave the house, with the weather outside so miserable, and inside all warm and dry. tucking their blanket in closer around them, they bury their face into their favourite stuffie’s tummy: sophie is a bunny rabbit, named after the character from howl’s moving castle, and her fake fur is soft under their cheek. it’s so warm that they're in danger of overheating, what with the radiator being right by the bed, but for now they’re encased safely in a bubble of contentment, and they’re struggling to keep their eyes open.

 

they don’t know how it got this late: when they glance at the analogue clock on the wall (taking far too long to decipher the time) donghyuck realises it’s almost half past midnight.

 

and mark still isn’t home.

 

donghyuck squeezes their eyes shut, feeling their nose start to sting the way it always does before they cry. they sniffle into sophie’s tummy, then mumble, “i miss her.” in a sad, quiet whine.

 

there’s a knock on the door, then it opens slowly. renjun appears in the doorway. donghyuck peers up at her, face all scrunched up in their sadness, and renjun reads the expression immediately.

 

“oh, sunshine. what’s wrong?” she asks gently, entering to sit on the edge of the bed, hand finding its way through hyuck’s hair. it is still wet from when they had a shower earlier in the evening, and renjun tugs gently through the knots.

 

her concern only makes donghyuck feel more stupid. they’re definitely overreacting. after all, mark warned them on the weekend that she would be extra busy this week, as she had a very important group project due on Friday, and the rest of her group had hugely under-contributed. so donghyuck had known they wouldn’t be able to spend so much time together. if donghyuck should be worried about _anything_ it should be that mark was working too hard and taking on too much. plus, donghyuck likes time alone...so why shouldn’t mark be able to enjoy time alone, without donghyuck demanding attention? knowing, as they did, that if they asked mark to spend time with them, it would only result in mark getting increasingly anxious about not working on the project - leaving donghyuck feeling like they were just a nuisance - didn't stop them from wanting, desperately, to demand that mark spend time with them. 

 

donghyuck knows all these things, yet, still, the ache in their chest cannot be ignored. the pain spikes whenever someone mentions mark’s name. doubts start to spawn, creeping forward to the forefront of their brain every time donghyuck’s other datefriends are busy and they don’t have a distraction, doubts like: mark isn’t that busy, she’s just realised how clingy you are and she hates it. like: you said something bad the last time you were together and mark is angry with you because of it. or: you’re withdrawing - ignoring mark’s texts - because you’re so scared that she is going to push you away that you’re pushing her away _first_ , and now mark is out there upset because you’re ignoring her and _that_ is going to make her hate you.

 

renjun tweaks donghyuck’s ear gently and they manage to quietly squeak “mark.” into the blankie.

 

“mark?” renjun clarifies. “why are you upset about mark, poppet?”

 

donghyuck whines softly before they can help it, nuzzling into renjun’s soft hands. they always feel super tiny and looked after and cared for when someone calls them ‘poppet’, a feeling they crave even more when they’re sad.

 

“b-busy.” they mumble. “i _miss_ her.”

 

instead of teasing them, renjun simply coos. “oh baby, i miss her too.”

 

donghyuck blinks up at her curiously. “you do?”

 

“oh, yes. i know she’s busy and i want her to do well on this project, but i miss her awfully. i can’t wait for it to be over so she can stop staying so late on campus.”

 

donghyuck bites their lip. “feel like it won’t be over.”

 

renjun’s forehead crinkles in confusion. “how’d you mean? the deadline is tomorrow, baby.”

 

“mmm, i know.” hyuck rolls over so they’re lying on their back and able to see renjun more clearly. renjun’s hand settles on their tummy, and she absentmindedly rubs little circles on it. “i feel like…like she’s angry or upset with me, so it won’t matter when the deadline passes because it will just give her time to b-break…” hyuck’s voice drifts off like they are being strangled slowly, petering out into a stuttering exhale of air. “b-break up with me?” they phrase it like a question because stating it just hurts too much.

 

“oh, hyuck-“

 

“am just. whining. and insecure.” hyuck interrupts, sure that whatever renjun has to say will only confirm how pathetic they’re being. “it’s my problem, not yours or mark’s, but i’m just. struggling with that. at the moment. my brain keeps _thinking_ about it.”

 

“mean old brain.” renjun sniffs angrily, putting on her ‘strict’ voice. donghyuck’s eyes widen in something like awe as they look up at her. renjun catches the adoring look on their face and smiles briefly, booping them on the nose fondly. “don’t listen to your brain, ok baby? you two were together every day last week, it makes sense that suddenly being apart this week is difficult. you’re not clingy for missing her. you’re definitely not pathetic. i miss her, too; does that make me pathetic?”

 

“NO!” donghyuck shouts, sitting up quickly in their earnestness. “ _no_. oh, i never meant to imply that- it’s why i don’t like talking to people about this stuff, i always end up hurting you unintentionally-“

 

“hyuck.” renjun grabs their shoulders, meeting donghyuck’s panicked gaze intently. “breathe. i’m not hurt by it. i’m just hurt that you always judge yourself super harshly by these double standards. if i had said what you just did - about missing mark and having worries - you would be so kind and comforting to me.” one of her hands slides up from donghyuck’s shoulder to cup the side of their neck, thumb rubbing soothing circles into their jaw. “so please, be kind and comforting to yourself? a lot of your worries are about making mark feel bad, which is actually really caring and shows how much you cherish her. you recognise that some of your worries stem from your own insecurities, which is very important and means you can work on fixing them, but doesn’t mean your sadness is suddenly ‘pathetic’ or should be dismissed. you’re allowed to be sad and upset.”

 

“not if it means i hurt people as a result.” hyuck squeaks, throat tight with building tearfulness.

 

“you’re _not_ hurting anyone. the person you are hurting most,” renjun looks at donghyuck with such sincerity it makes their heart do a little flip in their chest, “is yourself. so cut yourself some slack, baby.”

 

donghyuck sniffles, blinking the tears away, and throws themself into renjun’s arms. “you’re always here for me when i need you.” they whisper into her neck. “thank you. _thank you_. i love you.”

 

“i love you too, sweetheart. i love you too.” she helps donghyuck manoeuvre into her lap so they can hug renjun more comfortably.

 

“we can miss mark together?” donghyuck suggests quietly into the curve of renjun’s neck.

 

renjun looks over their head to where mark has cracked the door open slightly, silently, and is meeting her gaze. mark looks exhausted, hair wrecked from tugging on it in distress, eyes vaguely red, bruises forming beneath them. but, as she looks on the scene, her expression is overwhelmingly one of love.

 

renjun smiles at her, without pausing where she’s rubbing donghyuck’s back. “hey, baby, look. we’ve got a visitor.” donghyuck shifts, raising their slightly damp face to look. when they realise who it is, standing in the doorway, they almost hit renjun in the face as they scramble to turn around.

 

“mark!” they squeal, then bite their lip. renjun can tell by the way their eyebrows scrunch and their shoulders hunch that they suddenly remembered all their anxieties about mark being angry or upset with them, their fears about being ‘too clingy’.

 

“aren’t you gonna come give markie a hug, sunshine?” mark asks.

 

donghyuck’s eyes capture the candlelight, sparkling like they hold galaxies within them. their mouth opens a little bit in delight, cheeks flushing a pale, pale pink, barely enough to appear over their tan.

 

“you want a hug?” they whisper. renjun thinks she might die because hyuck is the cutest thing on the planet. she can’t imagine how mark must feel, having all the power of those big eyes and loving smile directed at her.

 

“yes. _yes_. i’ve been thinking about a duckie hug all day.”

 

donghyuck flies off the bed and into mark’s open arms, going on tiptoe to wrap their arms around her neck and clinging on. they inhale the scent of mark’s hair with an edge of desperation, like a starved person tasting food again. mark clings back equally fiercely, securely holding donghyuck up in her arms and she spins them round once then sets them back down on their tippy toes again. “i love you.” donghyuck whines softly. mark must catch the slightly hysterical edge to hyuck’s voice because she shushes donghyuck quietly, soothingly, not complaining even a little about how tight donghyuck is holding onto her. “i _love_ you.” hyuck whispers, voice cracking, sniffling a bit this time.

 

“oh, baby. i love you too.” renjun can see mark close her eyes as both of them sink into the feeling of each other’s warm and comforting hug. after a moment, mark opens them again, and sends renjun the most adorable, slightly bashful smile over hyuck’s shoulder. “i love you, too, junnie.”

 

“i love you.” renjun says back, still vaguely in awe at how much more it means, now that they’re together properly. even if mark and renjun are still not nearly as close as mark and donghyuck, their ‘i love you’s sound the same.

 

donghyuck pulls back, then, just enough to kiss mark. they whimper into mark’s mouth when she licks along the seam of their lips. donghyuck’s hands cup her jaw, trace the contours of mark’s face reverently, then slip down to clasp tightly to the collar of mark’s shirt. when they part, both of them are slightly breathless. then donghyuck turns, and smiles, tired and adoring, at renjun, freeing a hand to hold out to her.

 

renjun smiles at it, ears going red. “why don’t you two come over here and join me on the bed, instead?”

 

mark slumps at the suggestion, until donghyuck is almost holding her up. “that’s actually _such_ a good plan, i’m so tired.”

 

“let’s get you to bed.” donghyuck encourages softly, guiding mark to sit beside renjun. mark gives renjun a kiss; mark’s lips are still slick from kissing donghyuck and renjun’s heart thumps louder in her ribcage when she realises. but now is not the time; they’re all way too exhausted.

 

together, donghyuck and renjun undress mark; renjun pulls off her cardigan and donghyuck unbuttons her shirt, leaning down to smooch the soft skin of mark’s chest, making mark’s breathing hitch just a little. donghyuck is too focused on undoing mark’s jeans to notice, but renjun hears it - sees it - and smirks to herself just a little. somehow, it’s nice to know that even having dated donghyuck for almost two years now, mark remains just as weak for donghyuck as renjun is now, having only dated them both for a couple of weeks.

 

she grabs the right leg of mark’s jeans as donghyuck tugs on the other side and they take the trousers off her in unison. renjun takes the jeans from donghyuck before they can toss them into the corner of the room, instead folding them neatly and putting them in a pile on the desk. when she turns back, donghyuck has pushed mark - whose eyes are barely opening between blinks at this point - onto her back. mark wiggles to let donghyuck peel back the duvet, then rolls across to get to the other side of the bed, making room for donghyuck and renjun. donghyuck is already in pyjamas and climbs in; renjun blows out the pink jasmine candle, then takes off her sweatpants and socks, and slips in next to donghyuck, pulling the covers over her.

 

usually they would make out a little bit before turning the lights off, but this time renjun immediately switches the lamp off. there’s a string of fairy lights still lit across the room but she can’t find it in her to care. not when her eyelids are growing increasingly heavy, and donghyuck pulls on her hand insistently, whining a little bit, until she’s spooning them. mark leans over donghyuck - a highly risky move in the dark - and uses her hands to locate renjun’s mouth before kissing her softly, and then drops a kiss just above donghyuck’s ear.

 

mark makes a little ‘oof’ sound as she settles back down, rolling away from them slightly since she can’t fall sleep if she’s touching someone else. “missed you both.” she slurs into the pillow, voice heavy with sleep. renjun sinks into the words, only allowing herself to feel just how much she had been missing mark before now that mark is back within her reach. donghyuck shivers in her arms, sighing quietly. renjun knows that their anxiety won’t have dissipated entirely, but for now, they’re letting themself relax, safe between their two girlfriends.

 

renjun kisses hyuck’s shoulder. she falls asleep before her head hits the pillow again.

 

the next morning, donghyuck wakes up to a tickling across their face. still half-asleep, they giggle; try to swat the tickling thing away before realising their hand has come in contact with a face. squinting their eyes open, they find mark tilting her head at them in confusion, pretty pink lips in a little pout. combined with her adorable bedhead, mark looks even more like a kitten than usual.

 

“your stubble,” donghyuck smiles sleepily as mark kisses their forehead, “it tickles when you kiss me.”

 

mark immediately smirks and leans in to rub her chin and jaw across donghyuck’s collarbones. donghyuck squeaks and squirms away, hitting mark on the head, hissing, “you menace!” pleased, mark smothers her laughter against donghyuck’s boobs (trying to stay quiet so as to avoid waking renjun).

 

“it’s too early.” comes a rasping whine from beyond donghyuck; donghyuck and mark meet eyes guiltily, trying to muffle their giggles as renjun continues, words slurring adorably, “have more sleeps now.”

 

“more sleeps.” repeats hyuck, smiling at mark happily, then snuggling back into renjun’s arms. renjun hugs them tighter. donghyuck sighs contentedly, rearranging their head on the pillow and then closing their eyes. very quickly their breathing evens out, as they drift back off to dozy-land.

 

carefully, mark tucks her head into hyuck’s chest. in her new position she can hear their steady heartbeat; closing her eyes, she smiles to herself, her whole chest cavity full of this wild, beautiful love, the kind only donghyuck creates within her. when she thinks of renjun, too, it’s nearly overwhelming.

 

“more sleeps.” she agrees softly.

**Author's Note:**

> pleaseee leave kudos or comments;; theyre really important to writers! also please support hyuckie as he reappears following his hiatus and give our boys lots and lots of love!!!! (incl wayv!!!)


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